Friday, January 27, 2012

How to survive judgement: Self-Confidence

You walk through the world, a whole grotesque paradox place. Pushed into a corner, labelled with a lot of weird different kind of names that do not even closely have a meaning for ourselves, we struggle with a society that really wants to tell us that we have to be individuals but has a stamp for every action we do?

Sooner or later you will recognize that you are grouped together to a kind of people that you do not even like! Sooner or later you will recognize that people neither appreciate the good you do and neither will ever understand what your real goal was... Sooner or later you will recognize that the time you tried to maintain your goal was wasted because so many worked against you.

Judged you stay in grudge, labelled you don't understand any more what is happening. You scratch your had, look around, feel weird.

You were friendly to others, never meant any harm, tried to make friends... but suddenly you are labelled as desperate.... All you can do is: "Why desperate? Am totally happy and I do not really have any reason to be desperate?"

You had many tasks to do, important ones, that have a big cause of your own future... you focus on them, with the long term goal to be able to full-fill your dreams... but suddenly you are labelled as a time-waster... All you can think is: "Why am I a time waster? What I did was for the good for everyone. Without succeeding on my current tasks, there is no future to believe in?"

Soon you understand, judgement will always follow you. It will always try to crush you, tear you apart, destroy you... No-one is safe. Very soon you will understand that there are a lot of judges that will make your life difficult, will make you feel struggling with a huge pile of society.

It is madness, you are chained into something against your will. Something that you not even are, something that others want to make you. You are like mud in the hand of many. Suddenly you are a formed Golem, lost, out of control... Total madness indulged by many...

Will you loose yourself in all that net of pure insanity? Or will you stay firm, being a fortress of your own will? Will reality shape  your will or will your will be shaped by the will of the others?

Nobody ever knows. Nobody can ever tall.

All that seems so clear is, if you keep on paying attention to the judgement that others give on you, you will never survive the total weird kind of pain others make you want to suffer from.

I look around. And from far and more far, I hear the echoes made up by some kind of gossip about myself. Not understanding what kind of gossip actually could be there about me after all, I listened to what they said. I really did, and thought... hmmm.... if they think like that, maybe I need to change.

I never felt so weird! Do I really have to change myself because of some gossip of some random people? Some people I never met in my whole life? That know nothing about me?

Some of my friends said, they sometimes think I try to impress the others... I thought about that words, but no... I never tried to impress anybody. To suddenly change myself to act different so that people do NOT judge me in that way... that is the real way to try to impress others. And that is totally not what I need or what I want.

It is ok to be aware what you do, or what kind of impacts your doings have on others... but please... do we really have to please everyone or follow every single kind of tiny sayings about ourselves? We have to live our lives... As long as I do not harm others with my actions, why should I follow to untrue judgement?

Nobody knows myself better than myself. So please, take me as I am or leave <3

No lies, No false games, Just the pure me.