Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Never-ending story: The mature kind of loving

"Be a man!", how often have you heard that? Have you ever felt tired of hearing such thing? Did it motivate you to bite through and take the challenge? Did it make you stubborn and getting unrealistic? Have your feelings ever have been suppressed at a moment where you wanted to share them and someone said: "Be a man!" ?

"Be a man. People say it all the time. But what does that even mean? Is it about strength? Is it about sacrifice? Is it about winning? Maybe it's simpler than that. You have to know when not to man up. Sometimes it takes a real men to set his ego aside, admit defeat and start all over again." - Patrick Christy

As love is the downfall of even the strongest, matters of love are by far the most occurring occasion where people are supposed to hear "Be a man!". Why is it this way? Yes, it takes a man to get into commitment, over break-offs, compromises, rejection and lowering the ego.

But is it so wrong to fall for someone?



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As you know, I always did not dig out too much of my private stuff on my blog. This time, I offer a bit more to share with you guys but I will still stay only with the necessary parts.

What is it that can make love sometimes so painful, so bittersweet? So often we indulge ourselves with feelings of attachment and rejection. I thought for a while about that part and thought: What do I expect, what do we expect? We create a network of presumptions, don't we? What do we think what love is? We have a simple goal in our life: To love and be loved.
"Love when you're ready, not when you're lonely." - Kaz Ortega
Isn't it a failure to step out into the world and search for something called love? A fantasy you hardly understand yourself and what is full of assumptions, expectations? Stable your mind, breath in and think a bit more clearly: If you have not learned to love - especially how to love yourself - how do you expect to learn how to love someone else? Is the reason why you search for a loved one not more or less for the reason to have someone who loves you instead of yourself? Not having to deal with the fact that you are not capable to love yourself?

In my eyes it is really important to know this fact: Love is giving and the true kind of love is the one that gives with not expecting a reward. Love is not about you! Love whoever you like but loving does not mean you are loved or appreciated back. True kind of love does not need that. It is a plus if you get loved back - it is not a must.

I started to realize that most people expect being loved back... and they want to force people to love them back equally. In my eyes, that kind of love just starts to look like  you want to acquire property. You want to own someone. Someone for yourself. That is not fair... that is not love.
“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.” -Neil Gaiman.
Please, my dear readers, stay realistic. Stop this kind of thinking. If someone does not love you the same way as you do, life is not over. It can even start for real. If someone really means to stay or be friends with you, that means you are loved and blessed with friendship, too. You gained something so beautiful.

You have chosen to love. You should not give up if you are not paid back the same style. Love is not money or an investment. It is risk, you will never know the pay off, but it does not make sense to give up with it.

In my eyes, true love would mean you love with all your heart. You love someone and it makes you happy to love, to choose to love. It is priceless and independent. It has value only to you, at the start.

Be a man, love, love mature. I embrace life and love. I love my family, my friends, my brothers and sisters, my enemies and I love life. I love you.